. grab hands and hang on

Honey, if I wanted the thrill of an emotional rollercoaster, I would’ve bought a ticket and waited in line like everyone else.

As a special needs parent, life is a serious rollercoaster.  Most of the time it’s not a fun rollercoaster.  And also, most of the time, it’s not a rollercoaster we chose or wished to be on in the first place. It is a complex and tough ride of ups and downs, twists and turns, loops and sharp curves, and it is never ending.  It may pull into the station for a bit, but the seatbelt never unlocks and the bars never come up.  We are left there, legs dangling, watching everyone else get on and off to go enjoy the other rides in the park.  The least someone could do is to bring us some f*cking popcorn and a soda, but for the most part, no one even notices that we can’t get off the train.  And so it continues.. up and down, round and round, stopping and starting.  The only thing we can do now is to reach out, grab hands, and hang on.

This is my way of reaching out to those of you who, like myself, are searching. Searching for a cure, a cause, a reason.  Searching for someone who understands, has been where you are, or is currently where you are.    A safe place to vent your fears, frustrations, grief, triumphs, anger, joy, happiness, and despair.  A sounding board when you just don’t know what to do anymore and don’t know how to cope with another meltdown, or cleaning up another dirty diaper, or changing piss soaked sheets for the 100th time, or the toys you just cleaned up are thrown about the room, or asking through time and time again what you child needs or wants because you just can’t understand what it is they are asking for.  We are meeting each other wherever we are.  In the joy or grief or happiness or anxiety.

Every story is different and yet the same.  This is my story and that of my special needs child as seen through my eyes.  Grab my hand and let the rollercoaster begin.

2 thoughts on “. grab hands and hang on

    1. I am humbled to have written something that even resembles and/or resonates with “welcome to Holland!” it was actually the first piece I read when we began this journey that made it feel “ok” to not be lost or overwhelmed by all of it. Thank you for reading & commenting, it’s uplifting to know I’m not alone in my thoughts.

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