-Have I gone mad?
-I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.
But I’ll tell you a secret: ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE
-Alice In Wonderland
We all have them. Seemingly simple things that make us individuals. Some people (assholes) call them faults or distractions or say that they make you weird. What they really mean is that you aren’t like them, that you don’t conform to their idea of “normal” and guess what. I LOVE THAT & in my humble opinion, the more quirks a person has, the more awesome of a person they are.
Vices. I can guarantee you we all have at least one. I have several in fact! Vices can be both good and bad. Some people may call them coping mechanisms. To me, if there is something you have or do that helps you to get through your day in one piece and still relatively sane.. then more power to you. Now, obviously I am not talking about a drug or alcohol addiction nor am I advocating binge eating or purging or anything remotely harmful to your body or your psyche, so no ranting or commenting on the appropriateness of “vices and/or coping mechanisms” –
I seem to have always been seemingly “quirky.” There are little things about me that even I sometimes find odd, and most of the time I have no idea the reason or cause for some of them, but they are unique to me. There are both good and bad quirks to me and my personality (in my eyes) but I am slowly learning to come to terms with and even laugh at and love some of the things I once thought as “bad or negative” – I have also learned that some of these trivial things have actually set me up to be a better parent to my special needs child. The same can be said for some of my vices. Some I’ve had since I was a kid and some have developed over time, but I am learning as time goes by that they too may have been put in place for this specific reason.. my special little human and what it takes to parent her on a 24/7, 365 day basis. So, tonight, after a particularly emotional (for me) episode of “The Good Doctor) I have decided to list some of my quirks and vices, the good and the bad. I’ve learned that when you’re doubting yourself and/or you sanity & emotional state, that it can be very therapeutic to put it all down, get it all out, have a visual of what it is that is troubling you.. but, then again.. that will be on my list of “quirks!”
-Quirks (as I see them in myself)
- I have always been seen as “older than my age” in that I tend to fit better in a setting with people older than me (sometimes much older)
- I think correct table manners are incredibly important
- I make the most RANDOM comments and instantly think.. WTF did I just say!
- My house may never be super clean or even tidy at times, but my clothing drawers and organization I them is immaculate
- I am incredibly organized & have always been
- I have no patience for things “that just take time..” no, if it is important to me then I will make it my mission for it to be important to you.. or at least bug you enough to make you want to not have to deal with me anymore so “insert thing here” gets moved to the top of the list & completed faster so I’ll go away.
- I read WAY to fast.. its actually irritating sometimes because I don’t want the book to end
- I want to know the ending of a movie or tv series before I watch it. Not knowing how they are going to turn out is ridiculously stressful to me. I will literally google a movie or tv show to see how it ends while in the middle of it. It drives my husband crazy
- I get VERY irritated if you’ve seen a show or movie already & REFUSE to tell me how it ends. this also drives my husband crazy.
- After washing my hands in a public restroom, I HAVE to use 3 paper towels. If I don’t, I get incredibly anxious. I have no idea why.
- I dislike clutter, will box things up to “put away” or take to salvation army and it stays in the closet or floor for weeks (i’m currently staring at my boxed up winter clothes that were supposed to go into the attic 3 days ago..)
- I MUST have a fan or fan noise when I sleep. this is non negotiable.
- slight random repetitive noises bug me, things most people can’t or don’t hear.. a ticking clock, a clinking chain on the fan, the rattling of the vent on the air conditioner. Once I’ve heard it, I won’t stop until I’ve fixed it or taken the batteries out!
- I hang pictures at my eye level
- toilet paper rolls and towels CAN be hung/folded the wrong way
- I sleep surrounded by pillows, I like the cocoon feeling.
- it can be 100 degrees in a room, but when i’m sleeping, my butt ALWAYS has to be covered with a sheet/blanket
- I am afraid of the dark & still sleep with the tv on.. sometimes muted, sometimes not
- I won’t pay more than $20 on a blouse or shirt for myself because it’s “way too expensive and ridiculous” but have no problem spending $50 on sushi or crawfish.
- I think navy blue and grey are the universal colors that can go with anything (including paint)
I’m sure there are more, but those are the ones I can think of tonight.
Vices (old and new)
- Ranch sunflower seeds. I can go through a large bag in just an hour or so. and NOT the “hidden valley” kind.. plain old David’s ranch or the cheap buy 2/$1 skinny packs.
- Gilmore Girls. I haven’t found any emotion or bad day that can’t be cured with the “Bracebridge Dinner,” “A Korean Thanksgiving,” or “The Dragonfly Test Run” episodes. I could talk forever about GG, but I’ll move on.. Oy with the poodles already, Bible Kiss Bible, where have all the anvils gone, and I should’ve had a taco.
- Call the Midwife. This is my second favorite behind GG. I feel like I was born into the wrong century sometimes, and CTMW fills a longing for the era of the 50’s & 60’s for me in all the right ways.
- Route 44 Ocean water with watermelon & easy ice from sonic. One of my former students, Puff, got me started on these several years ago & now I can’t give them up. Little human loves them too!
- Sushi & Crawfish (see “quirks” above)
- Counting things when I get angry/upset or I’m trying not to cry. Could be ceiling tiles, letters in a sign, or my own fingers and toes.
- “bed and blanket fort” – This started when I was a kid.. When i’m having an overwhelming emotional moment or a particularly bad day, I will climb in bed & pull the covers up over my head so that i’m surrounded in darkness. This is my fort. When I’m under those covers, nothing can touch me, nothing can hurt me, nothing can make me feel bad. I can cry as hard and as much as I want or scream or yell or just take some deep breaths. For whatever reason, I feel untouchable in my fort & when I come out, I am much more calm and the wave of panic/emotion/anger etc. has dissipated.
Some of the above things are silly, some are raw, some are borderline OCD & SPD but these are just some of the things that make me.. me. So, what are some of your quirks and vices? What makes you tick or get ticked off?! These postings are about navigating life as a special needs parent, but they are also about me and for me and for you. I am mostly known as little human’s mom or husband’s wife, sometimes I forget that I am still a person beyond and outside of those things. Yes, I am a mom and a wife, but I am also me and all the things listed are some of the things that make that possible. Sometimes we need to look beyond our role as parent/guardian/caregiver/wife/spouse etc. and reflect and recover and let it all out.
I’d love to hear YOUR stories, your quirks and vices. I look forward to hearing about your children and issues and opinions and advice also, but tonight.. I want to hear about YOU.