-The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased; it can only be accepted.
I was a 16 year old girl that overcame the odds of a horrific car accident to no only walk again, but to walk to her prom 5 months later and to play softball a year later. I am a woman with an awesome scar and a fantastic testimony that tears and hard work really can off.
I was a 17 year old girl that wasn’t allowed to have her senior year of high school because of said above accident. I am a woman who got her GED at 17 and started her freshman year of college instead of her senior year of high school.
I was a girl who lost out on catching in her school’s softball state final game. I am a woman who still has the ability to catch and throw a ball and hopes to pass on that tradition to her daughter.
I was a girl who started a prestigious culinary school at 17.5. I am a woman who graduated 2 years later with a 3.68 GPA from Le Cordon Culinary Arts.
I was a girl who moved to a big city at 17.5. I am a girl who will always call Austin home because it is an AMAZING city and it was where I was on my own for the first time.
I was a girl who worked 3 jobs and still got up for 6am classes. I am a woman who has gotten every job she has ever really wanted because of working my ass off both during and after culinary school.
I was a girl who had worked since she was 16, worked 3 jobs while in college, and wanted nothing more than a long career with plenty of accolades. I am a woman who gave up her hard fought career to become a stay at home mom because her SN daughter needed her and who’s accolades come in the for of “I wuvs you,” hugs and giggles from my little girl.
I was a girl who didn’t know where her life was going and who’s hopes and dreams were dashed in the time it took to take a curve too quickly. I am a woman who sometimes still doesn’t know where her life is going and who’s initial hopes and dreams were dashed in the time it took a stick to show a plus sign.
I was a girl who got married at 18 and fought a losing battle to keep her then husband off of pain killers. I am a woman who fought the good fight, lost said husband, and found my soul mate in my now husband and high school best friend.
I was a girl who had never had more than a few beers or shots and hated going out. I am a woman that has learned how to social world works. I also have learned that a few beers or an evening cocktail can make life a whole lot easier to swallow. Also that being a little tipsy has its advantages when you have a hot husband and an insane amount of emotional stress.
I was a girl who had best friend’s that were more like sisters in high school and college. I am a woman who hasn’t had a real conversation with her high school best friends in years and her college best friend in almost a year, but who still loves them and considers them sisters, forever and always. Here Comes Trouble and I’d still love you even if you didn’t have a nose. I am also a woman who’s small circle and fellow bookworms help make her life a little lighter and filled with laughter and smiles.
I was a girl who was terrified of being alone, physically and literally. I am a woman who enjoys what the quiet and solitude has to offer, but who still doesn’t like to be physically alone.
I was a girl who was good at school, but who only went because of sports. I was a girl who missed over 30 days of school in her freshman year because she really just didn’t feel like going. I am a woman who became a college instructor at 21.
I was a girl who could sleep for 20 hours strait just because. I am a woman who is up at 3:30 every morning with her kid and is lucky to get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I was a girl who loved to hunt, fish, and being outdoors doing something active. I am a woman who loves to hunt, fish, and mostly being outdoors being active (when it’s not as hot as satan’s armpit.)
I was a girl who lost her dad at 8 years old and who missed him every single day. I am a woman who lost her dad at 8 years old and who misses him now more than she ever did as a kid.
I was a girl who loved to dance. I am a woman who now knows what I look like dancing and have come to accept that I am simply a white girl with no rhythm! However, I can still pull off a killer two step and waltz.
I was a girl who fell in love with reading as soon as I picked up a copy of Judy Blume’s “Summer Sisters.” I am a woman who is a total bookworm and who still reads Summer Sisters at least once a year.
I was a girl who wanted nothing more than to go to college on a softball scholarship and become a coach. I am a woman who lost her scholarship dreams but who got to coach her culinary champions for 8 years.
I was a girl who wasn’t comfortable in her own skin, with her scars (physical and emotional.) I am a woman who still isn’t completely comfortable in her own skin, with her scars (physical and emotional.)
I was a girl who had a cd player or music with her wherever she went. I am a woman who is listening while Pink fades into Chris Stapleton as I write this post.
I am a girl who loved to cooked and who everyone says had a talent for it. I am a woman who loves to cook, who made a living at it for 10 years, and who still has a talent for it.
I was a girl who battled with mental illness and an emotional fragility that it seems no one could understand. I am a woman who is finally overcoming mental illness and still has an emotional fragility that it seems no one can understand.
I was a girl who wanted 2 boys and a girl. I am the mother of a beautiful little girl.
I was a girl who wanted a super close tight nit family & 3 kids. I am a woman who has an extended family (both mine & husband’s) that talk to each other a couple of times a year & a “home” family that aren’t really close. I am a woman who has 1 biological child and will only ever have 1 biological child. Adoption is a hopeful possibility in the future.
I was a girl who had every expectation in the world of the type of child(ren) she would have a raise with dreams and hopes and aspirations for them. I am a woman who has had to reel in said dreams and hopes and aspirations for her.
I was a girl who grew up watching and loving the Dallas Cowboys, Texas Rangers, Chicago Bulls, and Boston Celtics. I a woman who has a daughter named Fenway.. (yes, after the Boston Red Sox)
I was a girl who hoped her daughter would become the next Jenny Finch or a great dancer or gymnast or go to the Olympics. I am a woman who’s daughter may still be in the Olympics, but it will be the Special Olympics the schools put on every year for the SN kids.
I was a girl who had her life all planned out by the time she was 12. I am a woman who learns every day that everyone’s life ebb’s and flows and isn’t what we thought it would be at 12.
I was a girl who was raised as a Southern Baptist that had an unflinching faith that God was, is, and will be forever. I am a woman who was raised as a Southern Baptist that has a shaky relationship with her God and has some questions about His validity, but somehow still has her faith in a higher power or something bigger than herself and prays without even realizing she’s doing it.
I was a girl who thought she had it all figured out. I am a woman who grew up and now knows I don’t even have tomorrow figured out.
I was a girl that was strong willed and was determined to break down barriers and to say screw you to anything life could throw at her. I am a woman who is strong willed and determined to break down barriers and to say fuck you to anything life has to throw at her.
I was a girl and I am now a woman.
I am STILL everything that I was, life hasn’t lessened or taken away any of that. I am who I am BECAUSE of who I was.
Would I change things in my past if I could.. hell yes I would. Would I go back and reshape who I am today.. hell yes I would. However, we all know that is not possible and so I will hold my head high, smile at the girl I still see in the mirror and say “Damn, you’ve done it kid.. keep it up, you’re a badass.”
